Becoming a healthier me, one step at a time!

I don’t even know where to begin.

I nearly got kicked out of the nursing program due to my health. I had to have a signed, notarized release of liability for the school from me. Plus a written doctor’s approval for me to continue.

They denied my student loan, saying I’ve taken out too much already. I’m appealing that decision.

My daughter went to her first circus. We had a blast! She rode a camel, an elephant, and ponies. Me? No thanks! I watched from the sideline!

Soccer is going well and basketball starts soon.

My health is slowly getting better. I’m on a lot of blood thinners, but I’ll do what I have to do.

I’m watching what I eat, but not weighing right now because of the restrictions I am on with exercise.

I’ve not been on BS hardly at all because I was failing a class and had to bring up my grade. I’ve come from a 66% to a 78% so I am getting there.

I decided to leave the Wildcats team. I don’t have time for committments like that right now. Besides that, the dynamic of the team has changed quite a bit since I joined and I no longer think it a good fit for me. I love many of the cats, but I (when I have more time) will have to find a team that fits me better. I can’t commit to so much. Thanks for all you gave me, cats…but I gotta move on.

That’s me in a nutshell right now. Busy bee that I am!

Let’s just say that the last couple of weeks have been ridiculous. School is really kicking my ass. I barely have time for anything. As gross as it sounds, I sometimes have to skip a shower because there is, literally, no time. I had to step down to cheerleader status on the Wild Cat team. It makes me sad, but I wasn’t being as active as need be and that wasn’t fair to others. Trying to keep up with everything has been taking a toll. I failed a quiz and a test and I can’t have that, so I had to prioritize. School HAS to come before BS, even if it does make me sad.

My leg and arm are about the same. I see the doc on Friday morning.

Over the weekend, we went to St. Louis. I was VERY bummed because the girls couldn’t make it. I was so excited to meet them. Becky was too busy, Loni wasn’t feeling well, and Poetry and I had a big misunderstanding. No hard feelings girls. I understand, but it was a bummer. That aside, we had a great time! We gambled, ate lots of good food, and watched two Cardinals games. Rob had a good birthday. My kiddo stayed with my mom and they had a blast too. They went to some festivals and just had a grand old time, it sounds like.

I have no idea what my weight is today. I maintained for my last Cats weigh in and that’s the last I know. I just have so much going on, I haven’t the energy to focus on that too much. Well, that and the fact I can’t work out at all. I’m just really struggling emotionally.

I don’t like the emotional state I am in. There is seriously too much on my plate, but I’ve scraped off what I can already.

Loni and Elisha I hope you are doing well. I miss you girls.

To all the cats….I miss all of you too.

I hope you all are doing well.

Alright….so for all of you who are wondering….yesterday I had my scheduled doctor appointment with my new doctor for my leg. Keep in mind this was the first time I had ever seen her. She sent me directly to the hospital for tests and they admitted me.

They told me that the clot was back and that it was completely obstructing the blood flow through the femoral vein. So, if you don’t know…this means that blood goes down to your foot and can’t come back up, so it swells.

Well, I didn’t know this was gonna happen. I only had my purse with me, Madi was at school and I had our only vehicle. I had to scramble around and get all that taken care of.

A nurse came in to start my IV and I told her that it wasn’t right. She said it was fine. A couple hours later, I tried a different nurse. She said the same thing.

In the meantime, the surgeon comes to see me. We figured out that my previous doc had messed up my meds and my dose was too low, so that was why I got better and then it came back. He said that the vessels in my leg are permanently damaged and that I will always have to wear a compression stocking on it and will be at risk for more clots. I will have to give myself shots twice a day for up to a year and take a higher dose of my pill too.

Several hours later (12 hrs from the time it got put in) my arm had swelled up huge and I could hardly move it! The freaking IV wasn’t in the vein and the meds had not been going into my blood at all, but into the muscle. The nurse took it out and put a new one in my other arm. It took 3 tries.

So I couldn’t get any sleep all night because people kept coming in and drawing blood and taking vitals and all kinds of other crap.

This morning I had Rob bring me some stuff, including my laptop and then they said I would be discharged because the IV meds didn’t do what they were supposed to do, I could just go home and do shots. Well, the IV would have if they would have listend to me in the first place when I told them it was wrong.

I ended up having to wait several hours to actually get to leave. I got some pretty flowers from my mom and my friend Autumn. I had some very caring phone calls too.

The surgeon says it will be at least 3 MONTHS before I can do ANY exercise at all. Bedrest right now except for school. Yes, he said I can do that, but that’s it. I go back to the doctor on monday for some blood work. This has been a freaking disaster. My arm hurts like a mother from all that medicine going in the wrong place like that!

Overall, the hospital stay got me nowhere. My blood levels are still the same as they were and now I have a sore arm. GRRRRRRRRR

It has been a very busy week. I’d say stressful, but after my last blog, you all know that that just happens to be the story of my life.

Tuesday was my first day of actual classes, even though I’ve been doing school stuff for a couple of weeks. They sent us a letter with assignments that were due the first day. Love the nursing program. Anyway…that day ran from 8-noon, but then I had to get my other half to work and go pick my doll up from school. She has swim lessons at 630 and then she had homework and me too, so there went that day.

Wednesday I had classes from 8-4. That was the lovely day that I got the call. What call? The one from a lawyer who says in the oh so sweet message that I need to return the call or my representing lawyer does. Because? I’m being sued for old bills. Well, shit! I have $4 in my bank account. I work part time. I make, seriously, $500 a month. Pay them with what? I guess I’m going to court. You can’t get blood out of a turnip, right? I don’t own anything. It’s all in my lovely boyfriends name and since we aren’t married, it’s not legally mine. How the hell did they even get my cell phone number?

Thursday I had class from 9-4, but stayed until 5 to practice my IV insertion. They told us that day that we will have a scheduled time to check off on it and they will let us know later when that will be. Well, I hope it is a time that works. They just don’t give a shit about our lives. Kiddo had swim lessons that night too.

Friday I had no classes, but had errands to run.  I took a good long nap before my afternoon taxi driving! I worked and got off at 8 on Saturday morning.

So then Saturday morning kiddo had a soccer game at 10. Her team won! Then she had a Girl Scout picnic from 11-4. After all that, I crashed until I had to go to work again.

So this morning I am just catching up on here and trying to psyche myself up for this week. I’m looking at classes 7-4 and soccer practice in the evening on Monday, classes 8-noon and swim lessons in the evening on Tuesday, classes 7-4 on Wednesday (it’s also school picture day), classes 10-4 and swim lessons and Girl Scouts on Thursday, and work on Friday and Saturday. I get paid Friday so I will have to do the shopping on Sunday. WOW!!

So….last week I was really in a funk! I got more responses on that blog than I ever have on any other blog I have EVER written. They were all so heartfelt and wonderful. Thank you all! Kerstin…you listened to me and that was so sweet thank you! Loni, you challenged me for 14 days and that has played the biggest part in getting me out of that funk. Thanks ever so much! Elisha, you joined in the challenge and I need a little extra butt kicking so thank you too! Becky and Holly…you girls are great! Stacey I look up to you. I know we are both struggling right now and you are doing so well. That helps me to know that. To the wildcats-thank you for being there for me! Without all of you…I’d still be in my funk! But, because of all of you…..I actually lost 2 pounds at weigh in!

So…the end of the year is coming and it is always a stressful time money wise. We are broker now than we have ever been. My kiddo has her heart set on having a pool party for her birthday in November and it just isn’t going to happen. Picture day is this week. She always gets a new dress for that and she can’t this time. She is upset and I don’t know how to make her understand. My little brother is turning 10 next month, my boyfriends birthday is next week. November has 2 of my brothers, my kiddo’s, and my moms birthday, and then Christmas. Wow! Ummmm…..what the hell am I going to do this year? I’m trying not to stress about it, but it is so hard.

My schoolwork is coming along well. I’m so busy, but that’s normal and graduation is only 9 months away. I was so excited because I was writing things in my planner and I got so excited when I had to write in my graduation!!!!!!! I can’t believe it is that close! My boyfriend is complaining about how far away that is, but not me. Holy crap! I’m almost there! I can’t wait! I’m really going to be a nurse!?!?!?!?! Ok….I’m done jumping up and down now!

The planner is another thing….I’m obsessed with planning! I have a calendar in the office, one on the fridge, one in kiddo’s room for her, and a planner I carry in my purse. They are color coded for each person and I am meticulous about writing everything in them. My boyfriend thinks it’s nuts, but it provides me some strange sense of satisfaction. I have decided that it is because my life soooo crazy full and hectic that the calendars and planners provide a way for me to control it and that makes me feel powerful! Is that crazy???? Well, if it is, at least I know who has to be where when and why and we always make it on time! And FYI, my kiddo loves her calendar and always wants to know what is happening when! Ha ha!

Have a great week everyone! Thanks again from the bottom of my heart!

I don’t really even know where to begin.

I have been unable to workout for a month now due to my blood clot in my leg. Basically, it became an excuse. I have been eating like crap. Really. I just stopped trying. We ate out. We drank lots of soda. It goes on. I’ve gained 5 pounds. Really I gained 7, lost 3, then gained 1. I am only to consume 1200 to 1500 calories a day now that I can’t work out and it just seemed so hard that I caved. I just let it get to me, and I gave up.

I’ve been fighting depression pretty badly. I’ve just been in a bad place for the last month. My leg was so bad I was going to be hospitalized. Then it got better, and now it is getting worse again. I don’t know how much more of this I can take before I have a meltdown.

Rob and I have been a bit standoffish because he isn’t happy in the bedroom. I am afraid because of my leg. It isn’t him. I miss it too. I caught myself one day looking up an old boyfriend online. Now, I KNOW I am not interested in him or anyone else. I love my Rob, I just haven’t been feeling the connection lately.

I am in the process of switching doctors because my doc is leaving the area. I think I need to have my antidepressants increased. I take a lot of meds and it’s crazy. I’m dealing with swelling, water retention, gas, and stomach aches. All of witch are side effects of meds I can’t stop taking. Blah.

I want to workout so bad, but I can’t until I am cleared by my doc. That was what helped me sooooo much before. I loved it, it made me so much happier. And now I can’t do it. Not even walking, I asked.

 School is back in full swing and I think that will help me because even though it is sooooo busy, it provides structure and way less time to eat. I have been eating, eating, and eating. Why? I don’t know. Boredom? Depression? Both? Probably so. I’ve always been that way and I thought I was beating it and then this whole blood clot thing came up.

A girl that my daughter knew died last week. She was 5 and in kindergarten. Her parents were drunk at 8 at night. Had her with them in the truck, drove off the rode, hit a fence and she died in the ER. They are fine. Figures. We couldn’t go to the service cuz they had it in another state. I think my kiddo is ok….she seems fine overall just misses her.

I’m trying (sorry if this sounds whiny) to deal with being broke and I’m not dealing well. I am not a good poor person! I have $20. The car needs gas and school pic money is due. I wasn’t able to buy anything from my kiddo’s school fundraiser. It just goes on and on.

So….my goals for this week were to stay in my calorie range and hit my water target. I’m putting them down again and starting over.

So sorry to be so glum, but I gotta put it out in the open. Accountability. Or more like, hey! stop being lazy and making excuses!

Love you all!

First and foremost, I want to thank Nancy and Kama for being there for me. Becky, Loni, Poetry, Kerstin….you girls rock too! Even if I didn’t mention you and you’ve been there for me…you are great! There are many wonderful people on this site who have really helped me this last couple of weeks.

Since I’m off bedrest, we decided to go for some pampering today.

I took Madi for a haircut and I did manis on both of us at home as a treat. I am so tired!! I’m pissed too because I have gained 7 pounds because I can’t do anything!!!!!

Oh and earlier, I was changing the toilet seat. I got the old one off, threw it out and went to put the new one on. Wrong kind, doesn’t fit. Madi is in bed! Now we have NO toilet seat. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

Overall, I’m alright. I’m hanging in there. Being a trooper. I’m mad at Rob’s mom cuz I emailed and told her about it Friday and haven’t heard back from her. I guess I’m not important???

I’m not looking forward to still giving myself shots, but what do you do?

Hi buddies! I am finally beginning to feel better. My leg doesn’t hurt nearly as bad!! I’m on my own with the kiddo, cuz my other half had to go back to work, but it’s working out ok.

This may be TMI, but holy crap!! Between stopping the BC, which made TOM come, and being on the blood thinners….need I say more? Ugh.

To my fellow buddies…let’s help a buddy out, K? Can you please go to www.americas-fair.com and click on “vote for snoopy”  and vote for Peppermint Patty. You can vote once a day.

My baby starts first grade on Thursday. It is bittersweet, ya know? She’s growing up!! I go back to school on the 25th. I am on the fence about that one. Am I ready or not? Honestly? I am so sick of school! I’m hanging in there. Graduation is in May.

My food intake is a bit better now than it was. That was a nasty couple of weeks! Still no exercise per my doc. I’m still to sit around with my leg elevated. Gotta say….I’m more stir crazy than I ever have been!! Let me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So how are you all? 

 I went to the hospital this morning for my scans to rule out a blood clot and found out that I have one in my left femoral vein. I am on bed rest. No activity allowed at all because it can dislodge the clot and send it to my heart, lungs, or brain. I am on blood thinners and giving myself injections at home. I was at the hospital for about 7 hrs. They wanted to admit me, but I convinced them I can give my own shots. Whew! The joys of being a nurse (well, student, but hey!).

I am sorry to report that I gained 6 pounds. I’m very bummed by that one. My only real goal for this week is to get rid of this damn clot. Or at least obey my doc and do what I can to help get rid of it.

I can no longer take birth control (it increases risk fo clots) and we are still waiting for MRI results. Doc thinks I may have a muscle injury that could have caused the clot. Wait and see.

Just wanted to update you all.

Ok…so last night at work was an awful binge…I don’t know why. I have thought about it and I can’t find a reason other than that it was good. ???? I’ve been so consistent for weeks and now this? I ended up eating PB off a spoon, probably about 3 tbs worth. Then I had to make PB cookies as part of my job and before I knew it, I had eaten 5 of them. yes…5. I also had a fig newton and the salad I brought with me from home. See. WTH? I brought a salad from home!! But, I added their cheese to it for another couple hundred cals. OMG It is 9am and I’ve had thousands of cals…..I am so sick and mad at myself.

On top of all this, the resident at work that causes me all the trouble is at it again. She is trying to get me in trouble by saying that I sleep all night. I am trying to not let it get to me, but It could be my job, ya know?

After work, I stopped at the gas station for a diet pepsi because I just felt I really wanted one (used to be coke, but now at least it is diet soda). I had a very near brush with a giant cinammon danish. I picked it up…looked at it….put it down….picked it up…..looked at it again….flipped it over….read the cals…500!!!!!!! Nope. Put it down and walked away. All I got was a diet Pepsi.

Seriously? What is going on with me guys? Is it maybe just my stress level these days? I mean finals are in a week and that is always hard. Arg….I just want to scream and cry.

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